03/26/2014 Jeff Kittay, DPM
Wedding Catastrophe Narrowly Averted by Quick Thinking Podiatrist
In what could have been a complete disaster, a
daring DPM from Boston leaped in to action and
turned a near fiasco into a romantic fairy tale
ending. Weddings in the Jewish faith are
traditionally concluded, and the drinking begun,
when the groom crushes a glass beneath his shod
heel, driving out any evil spirits, and ensuring a
peace-filled life for the newlyweds.
On Sunday January 16th of this year, in the sleepy
township of Verona, New Jersey, events conspired
to bring such an idyllic ceremony to a
dramatically different conclusion. A new
bridegroom, who shall remain nameless except for
the initials JL, after saying the appropriate I
do's, raised his foot expectantly above the
unsuspecting vessel, and proceeded to do his manly
duty. Unbeknownst to our bridegroom, the glass had
other ideas. Instead of meekly surrendering to the
overwhelming force of JL's size 9½ black with a
tassel Bruno Magli wingtips, this devilish
container chose instead to shatter irregularly,
lacerate the incredibly soft leather uppers, and
wound our good bridegroom deeply.
Bravely, he summoned the courage to not bleed
profusely on the rented chuppah, choosing to
grimace only slightly as he held his new wife's
arm for balance as they turned and smiled at the
unknowing congregation. Pacing rapidly for the
exit, the couple escaped the crowd and retired to
an upstairs lounge. Guests milled about, slowly
meandering in to the reception hall, blissfully
ignorant of the drama unfolding just upstairs.
The bride's lovely sister, 14 months pregnant but
gamely holding her newborn inside, approached our
podiatric colleague, known here only as JK, and
advised him of the recent events and asked if he
might lend a practiced hand. Humbly, he leaped
into the breach, and ascended the staircase,
deliberately avoiding the temptation of a nearby
elevator . “After all,” he said, “when duty calls,
one cannot wait for an electronic conveyance, one
must use all haste to embrace the situation at
hand,” or foot as was the case here.
Upon entering the aforementioned lounge, JK
appraised the situation. The groom lay sprawled on
a chaise, faced etched with pain, the injured foot
on display for all to see. The bride sat crying at
a mirror, adjusting her make-up for the reception
soon to follow, complaining that JL had ruined her
day, as they would now not be able to dance the
Kazatsky as they had rehearsed for months, another
Jewish tradition. After careful evaluation, and
consultation with the dozen or so other doctors in
attendance (Who knew there would be so many
doctors in a room full of Jews?), our podiatric
physician took matters in hand, retrieved his
medical bag from his car, and proceeded to co-apt
the wound edges with Steri-strips, apply
antibiotic cream, and a dry sterile dressing
covered with adhesive bandages and “Medical tape”
supplied by a valuable nearby assistant, one whose
name has been lost to history.
This done, the groom was soon able to replace his
hosiery and, having a spare pair of undamaged
shoes at hand, was able to return to the reception
and, while limping noticeably, managed to dance
his first dance with his lovely new wife. While it
was not the more vigorous Kazatsky anticipated,
the waltz they performed was heartwarming to
behold.
By another amazing coincidence, there were also
several attorneys in the crowd, and a spirited
discussion over who would file the lawsuit against
the shoe manufacturer ensued. “How dare they make
a shoe with such a dangerous flaw, a class action
is what's needed!” said one. “No” said another,
“this is a clear case of negligence in design, a
tort would be more appropriate.” A third chimed in
“Criminal charges must be brought against Bruno
Magli personally. I'll have my paralegal draw up
the complaint and take it to the district attorney
in the morning.”
The lawyers all exchanged business cards and then
agreed to take up the case only if the injury
proved to be disabling. Happily, the groom was
able to have the wound repaired later in the
evening with six simple interrupted sutures of 5-0
nylon by his cousin Mark, the doctor, at his
office at Mt. Sinai Hospital in New York.
Jeff Kittay, DPM Boston, MA
